i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
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