Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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