trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
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