it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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