I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
