Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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