i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
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