Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Randomize
