he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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