Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
