No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
