If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
