1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
i came on her dog
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Randomize
