Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
