Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
