she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
my liver is dry heaving
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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