i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
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