i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
