Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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