and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
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