Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Randomize
