Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Randomize
