I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
