If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Houston, we have a squirter
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
