he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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