I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Just puked most of my soul out..
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
