dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Randomize
