I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
