Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
It's shark week go big or go home
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
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