how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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