This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Randomize
