Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
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