People in love make me want to vomit
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
no you cant smoke seaweed
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize
