I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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