i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
