i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
