Pants 0. Shit 1.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
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