piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
