Sorry, I don't speak sober.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
