Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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