Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
