you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
even my farts smell like vagina
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
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