I should be sponsored by Trojan
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
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