You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
