Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
