smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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