I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
