they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
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