just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
i wish my penis had a tongue
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
