if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
