I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
