Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Randomize
