Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
